well I haven't posted since my mystery, thank you "sid." I haven't really had much time on my hands, or much to say. I was reading my friend Christina's journal today, and came across one of those stupid survey things, so I decided since I was bored and useless, I would post that up.


---> Name: William Charles Howard (That’s three first names, you know)
---> Birth date: April 13, Same as my sister, my cousin, Thomas Jefferson, and Adam Gustafson, this kid I went to elementary school with.
---> Birthplace: Harrisonburg, Virginia. Man, that is a lot lamer than Christina’s
---> Current Location: Staunton, Virginia, or as the local rag has been calling it here lately, The Queen City (HAHAHA)
---> Eye Color: Blue-ish but they shift a lot.
---> Hair Color: Brownish, but it shifts…not really
---> Righty or Lefty: Righty tighty
---> Sign: Aries, The Most Brilliant Children of the Zodiac…at least that is what my mom says
---> Innie or Outtie: Innie, and it is cavernous

// series two - describe
---> Your heritage: Chiroquoah Apache, German, English, Scotch/Irish= mutt (just a dog baby, just a dog).
---> The shoes you wore today: Hi-Tek Boots (forizzle young)
---> Your weakness: whoa…too many, too many, but mainly Kryptonite
---> Your fears: Heights, SPIDERS!!!!!! Well, bugs in general. Having my fingers broken, roller coasters (yep I am a wuss)
---> Your perfect pizza: That there Philly Cheese steak pizza from the dominoes is right on

// series three - what is
---> Your most overused phrase on aol\aim: Indeed
---> Your thoughts first waking up: 15 more minutes
---> The first feature you notice in the opposite gender: depends, face, probably
---> Your best physical features: hmm…I like my eyes. They look like happiness sometimes.
---> Your usual bedtime: when I can‘t move anymore
---> Your greatest accomplishment: everything I have done to this point is pretty great. I mean I am still alive.

// series four - do you
---> Smoke: Not for much longer if my New Years Res. Holds up.
---> Cuss: umm, no, fuck, I mean yes.
---> Sing well: Sometimes, though I should sing better, but I smoke, so the voice is a little odd at times.
---> Want to go to college: no, that is why I dropped out, but I am going back, so I guess, yeah?
---> Like high school: Just the girls. (think Matthew McConnaghey {sp?} in Dazed and Confused) Oh man, that makes me creepy. Um…I didn‘t like it much while I was there, but I kind of miss it now that I am a semi-adult kind of person, or something
---> Want to get married: who knows, it is not a huge priority
---> Type with your fingers on the right keys: um...I know home row pretty well.
---> Believe in yourself: yes, I am sure that I am more than myth or legend
---> Get motion sickness: not really, I used to though, like a mother
---> Think you're a health freak: if by health you mean speed, than yes. I mean, no. I mean…uh
---> Like thunderstorms: Love em.
---> Play an instrument: a couple. Guitar, Mandolin, piano, bass, conga drums, bongos, djembe. I only really play guitar well, but I can make somewhat nice sounds on those other ones.

// series five - IN THE PAST MONTH, did/have you
---> Drank alcohol: I am dridunkl;’ rightl;kj noew. But I don’t have a problem or anything…bastard
---> Smoke(d): yeah, stupid, refer to earlier question.
---> Done a drug: no, but plenty of drugs have had their way with me.
---> Made Out: how does one make out? Two consonants and a vowel, I guess. Um, do pillows count?
---> Gone on a date: no, a little over a month ago I had a girlfriend. We broke up. Sad, sad me…
---> Gone to the mall: Unfortunately...I hate the mall more than almost anything.
---> Been on stage: if by stage you mean crack, than no. Shit, I already used that joke. Yeah, lots, I am an artiste!
---> Been dumped: Refer to dating question.
---> Gone skating: Nope, I can‘t skate, roller or otherwise, I am like an elephant on a hand cart when I ride those things
---> Made homemade cookies: HAHAHA that would require motivation
---> Gone skinny dipping: no, and I don’t really see why anyone would, it is December after all
---> Dyed your hair: no, I did dye the mane blonde once. I looked like a pudgy eminem, so I gave up on the dye-idea.
---> Stolen anything: hmmm...I don’t think so. But I am a recovered criminal, so…

// series six - have you ever?
---> Been called a tease: no, I always go ahead and let them have this sweet ass.
---> Gotten beaten up: I am a big scary guy, so, no.
---> Shoplifted: another repeat, if I Haven’t stolen anything, I guess I haven’t shoplifted, geez what is this a f**king psych evaluation?
---> Changed who you were to fit in: Unfortunately yes, but I learned my lesson.

// series seven - the future
---> Age you hope to be married: don’t care, if it happens it happens.
---> Numbers and Names of Children: ok, this is inane. I don’t care number wise, and if I ever have kids they won’t have names, just coding systems and scanbars. I like the names James, Liam, Dweezil, Jiles, and William. If I ever have children I will have boys. If I have girls then I will drown them in the lake along with my wife AND her devil womb!
---> Describe your Dream Wedding: geez, uhh...outside somewhere with family, or not, it doesn’t really matter.
---> What age do you want to die:21 (reference old show on MTV about a guy who was “programmed“ to die by age 21. Anyone, Anyone?), but I already screwed that one up…who thinks about that? I do however know that when it is my time to go I want to wander onto a deserted road and die without any form of ID except for the lyrics to “The Man Who Sold the World” in my pocket…now that is ART!
---> What country[ies] Anywhere, I have rarely left Virginia.
---> Current Mood: bored, that is why I am doing this survey, I found it on Christina’s site, and thought, geez, my life isn’t vacuous enough…
---> Current Taste: (licking arm) umm…salty
---> Current Hair: A longer version of the classic “Caesar Cut” (think George Clooney, 3rd season ER)
---> Current Annoyance: aaack, moving
---> Current Smell: Manly…I mean, unshowered
---> Current thing you ought to be doing: Packing
---> Current Desktop Picture: The Jeremiah Prophett Band at Pompeii Lounge in Staunton
---> Current Favorite bands: Mine, the JPB, umm…Jason Mraz, Wilco, Carbon Leaf
---> Current Book: well, I have been reading Cleansing The Doors of Perception by Huston Smith on and off for like 6 months, And I am getting ready to start the Second City book that my cousin got me for XMas
---> Current DVD In Player: we packed all the dvds, but I only own one personally, and that is The Boondock Saints, so in my metaphoric DVD player, I have that movie, metaphorically ready to go.
---> Current Worry: We move in a week, and I haven’t packed, or I haven’t met with my Probation officer in over a month, and I hope she doesn’t drug test me now…
---> Current Crush: Orange. Well, celebrity wise, I watched Girl, Interrupted last night, and both Clea Duvall, and Winona Ryder turned me into a Bill-shaped pile of mushiness, so those two, and countless other lucky ladies. Maybe even you, or your mom. Or both.

So there were some comments to my last post that I found to be very interesting. The most most interesting, and mysterious of which was written by an anonymous person who has been giving me advice about topics like perception, expectations, and the like. This post I would like to dedicate to that person alone. I did not wish to convey anger in my comment to your comment, however, I admit I do have the tendency to become defensive when someone "catches" me, as you have. I have read and thought about your ideas, and agree with them. I find it interesting the point made about expectations, and how by abandoning expectations, one find solace in just living in the moment. I also think the idea of effortless perception is rather thought-provoking. I enjoy dialogue like this, though I cannot shake this question:
Why do you care to engage in this dialogue? I know that by asking this question I am probing, which by your espoused philosophy is detrimental. I should accept what you are saying, and allow this opportunity for perception and cleansing (for lack of a better term) to take hold, without the burden of forcing understanding. I am, as I will state again, intrigued by this dialogue, and was hoping that you would respond to my comment. However, I tend to view the quest for perception as a pathway. Along this pathway the experiences we live through makes us the person we are. You mention knowing who I truly am, and the importance of this. I find it interesting that if we are to stop thinking and move into a realm of perception, than we move from the concrete to the ephemeral. Where does self arise in this equation? Is self anything more than perception? Further, self, therefore, is as dynamic as perception. The reflection of self, and perception changes as experience mandates. If I am to see things for what they really are, than I must rely on perception, is that it? However, if my perception is ever-changing, than I must acknowledge that there is no "How things really are." If there was a how things really are, than the search would be meaningless. It would then be just as easy as reading the Bible, or the Koran, or the Upanishads, or the Tao Te Ching. The perceptions we have along the pathway, seem to me, those things which allow us to find deeper meaning. I am interested in talking to you further, mysterious one. I don't know if anything I just wrote made any sense, or if it is just rambling. However, I am still intrigued to continue the dialogue, and to glean what I can. In the meantime, I will attempt to free myself of expectation, as I think you are right in calling me on that. Please know that no vehemence was implied in this, or the other response. It is rare I feel like someone has me on my toes, and it is interesting when trying to respond to someone, when I am so highly interested in their analysis of me, and in their ideas. Forgive my harshness.

So I am going to rant a little bit about this year. 2003 has undoubtedly been the worst year of my life to this point. I hate to sound like a curmudgeon (Spelling??) but, it is true. I mean, last December I was arrested, I lost my grandfather, and lost my job. I was put on probation in February, got evicted in April, was cheated on in June, lost my father in July, got screwed over with money in August, had to work shitty jobs that I hated, finally found a job I liked, started dating a girl I really liked, and started feeling better about myself, only to lose my job, my girlfriend, and to top it all off, my grandmother is dying of cancer. She could go at any moment. But, I guess some good things happened, too. I made a lot of new friends this year, people I really care about. I also started playing music again with the Jeremiah Prophett Band, and I started acting again. I am also heading back to school starting in January. I just don't know, though. This year has officially sucked. I can't get over how much horrible shit has happened to me this year. It is blowing my mind. I don't mean to complain, and I am not trying to get any pity, or anything, it just amazes me that all this crazy crap was piled on in the past 365 or so days. Oddly enough, I am not really that sad. I mean, I know it could be worse. I just hope that worse waits, at least until 2005, or so.